The new waiting

It's time to pause all kinds of uncertainties and disparities in life.
It feels meaningful to keep the doors open for the surprises to step in at any point of life.
If the large space or vacuum is full of magic, let me see or hear or feel it...
Let big surprises come and enthrall me... I'm waiting with my inner eyes, ears and sensations all completely open,
Without any inhibitions or blocks to accept them... 
Come to me...
Leave not me waiting for a long time... For I don't have anything else left behind To try and experience worth interesting ...

Waiting

Waiting for that moment
When I can break through
Past all that limits me...
The time is near
I get the glimpses of it
But something is pulling me back
I know not what it is...
That moment, that second
Of merging with the infinite
With the unknown
With the mystery
Where time and space
Knows not what it is
There I belong to
The eternal;
My life begins there...
Of beauty, joy and peace
I belong there...
Take me there oh
Embrace me in thy arms....
And then shall I flow
Like matter in a river
Free from all attachments
And finally merge with the vast ocean.

The FisherMan and the Little Fish

It's sleep time and just like every night my daughter asks me for her daily dose of bedtime story. I pick up the book "Bedtime Stories" and start reading the story "The young crab and it's mother". Soon after I finish the story, she comes up with a request to read another story. And the reason she suggests is " This story is for Amma". I ask her if she'll sleep after this story, to which she replies "yes".  This time the story is "The Fisherman and the little fish". The story ends with the man catching a small fish after a long wait inspite of the fish's request to catch it once its big. The moral of the story says "It's better to have something, even if it is small,  than to have nothing at all". As I end the story reading the moral she starts crying saying "what will the little fish do now?" ... I sensed her concern for the little one and elaborated the story saying "he'll take the fish home and drop it in a small pot- shaped glass bottle. The little fish will happily swim in the water all day long.  I see her smiling sweetly hearing that. I want to expand her smile a bit more and says "And then the next day, the man will fetch a few guppies and drop them in the fish tank so that the little fish will get friends and will live happily ever after." My little one was very very happy to hear that and was seen with heavy eyes but a wide smile. I kissed her tight with a goodnight kiss and she dozed off to sleep peacefully. 

It's springtime...

Little birdie jumping from the nearby tree to my window ,
And back to the tree again;
It does so several times,
As if playing a hopping game,
And enjoying and having fun;
The little birdie doesn't know,
It's not just he who is having fun;
But me too who is watching him,
And enjoying the show by him...
I see him knocking on my window ,
And wonder if he's watching his beauty ,
By seeing his reflection on the glass window;
He for sure is enjoying the sweet nectar ,
From the little flowers on the tree;
I watch and behold the beauty he offers ,
And here comes another sight to behold!
Two little squirrels join the stage ,
They jump n play around the branches of the nearby mango tree,
Enjoying the sweetness of the ripe mangoes;
I can see quite a few bright orange mangoes,
Half eaten by these little squirrels...
I think its festive season for the little animals,
For it's spring and full of life...
The bright green leaves, the bright red flowers,
The bright orange mangoes,
The chirping little birdies,
The dancing little squirrels,
It's a sight to behold....
A very sweet sight that nature offers for free...

Small thoughts, big meanings

Yesterday my daughter and myself were having a light talk. Influenced by the philosophy classes to which I was subject to a few days ago, I was saying "shivoham" and my daughter asked "what's that"?
I replied , it means "I'm Shiva".
She was surprised and asked "Amma , are you really Shiva?
I said " Yes, not only me , but you are also Shiva. Everybody is Shiva".
To this, she replied "No, I'm not Shiva" ...
I wanted to interrupt her but she continued " I'm Narasimham" ...
I was happy at her answer...she identifies herself with some god at this age and it was amazing for me...
I asked " Oh , you are the god with a lot of vigour and who will destroy all the evil in the world". And then she was out with a lot of explanations with actions like Narasimham killing Hiranyakashipu with his nails tearing his body and taking blood out...
" Yes, I'll remove the evils and roar - aaaarrrhhh"
My little baby was also in my hands then and I asked my daughter "Then, who is Madhav?
To this she replied "He is little Krishna " which was a very smart n sweet answer from her part I felt. The way she identifies people with different gods and in an apt way was really surprising to me...

Illusions

Illusions are the best things that one has in life. It is these illusions which keeps us going in life. One moment we think we have something but the next moment it is not there. The very thought that you have something is the illusion. Actually we have nothing. It's only our thoughts that make us think and feel something is there. In reality nothing is there other than illusion. Once our thoughts stop , illusions also stop. But it's these illusions that keep us maintain our spirits alive in this materialistic world. Everybody needs something to keep their spirits alive and keep them moving in life.

It's rightly said we should live in the moment. Illusions are valid only for the moment. If we miss the moment, the illusion at that moment is lost forever. So our motto in life should be to enjoy and cherish each and every moment given to us in this life by god. Later no use complaining we dint utilise the moments and the life made up of these moments given to us.

Do what you love to do...ofcourse without hurting others. Be grateful to god for the wonderful life given to us. Love and live
life fully....

Happiness

Walking down the lane, i think...
Seeing the wide sky out there...
If i could climb the imaginary steps up...
And reach for the clouds out there.
I could hear the nature singing for me...
I could see the vast blue sky waiting for me...
They are celebrating my arrival 
They know I belong to them.
They call out for the rain drops. ...
They call out for the birds to rejoice...
I can see the calm nature showering its love on me...
I am high up in the air...
Feeling blessed and loved...
The sweet twitter of birds, 
The melody of nature...
The love of music...
Its happiness everywhere...
Within me...deep within me....

Nature in love

Look up at the sky!
Isn't it beautiful out there?
White shades on sky blue...
Changing to slightly orange shades,
Like fire spreading on the sky;
As if two elements of nature in love with each other!
I see the moon sideby;
The hare on the moon clearly visible,
I wonder when he is going to jump
To the earth; and play race with tortoise :)

A tree by my window

There is a tree by my window,
A long slender one it is,
The higher it goes, the narrower it is,
With leaves and branches going narrower,
As in life the more it goes forward
The lesser the people we are closer with
I see a bird by its side
It has a wider view
Isn't life the same?
We see many people around us
But few become close to us....
Some close people leave us
Some turn impassionate...
Some turn cold....
Happy that some become closer more and more : )

How to face break ups in a positive way

We often hear about break ups happening and that have happened here and there. Its wonderful to see that people come up strong in life once they have passed the phase of break up with their loved ones. It maybe due to the fact that they come to know about their inner strength once they have to go through such a phase. It is true that from deep pain comes true happiness. Most people I have talked to seem to have become closer to their inner voice, the call within...they have come into terms with the godliness in them. When they feel they are completely alone upon the loss of their loved ones, they have nobody else but God to share the pain. Thus he becomes closer to God.

"I have had the best moments with my beloved;
The memories are ever lasting and I am happy to live with it forever,
Its enough to keep me going till life end"
- Words from a lover.

After all he said, "Today I am there, tomorrow I may not be there"

He never promised a life long relation...he gave you all the happiness you could long for a lifetime in a short span. And finally due to some misunderstandings you had to break up. It will be difficult initially to accept the way the things have changed...he who had showered you with the loveliest of words may ignore you rudely; it indeed is painful.

See the words of William Shakespeare:

“If you love and get hurt, love more.

If you love more and hurt more, love even more.

If you love even more and get hurt even more, love some more until it hurts no more...”

And true love doesn't need anything in return. So if you had truly loved this person why not try to keep on loving the person till it hurts no more??

Its always better to let go than trying to cling to you...because if it has to come back, it will come back to you no matter whatever happens.

                                                           

                                                  

Be positive....Life is short...There is so much in store for you...Don't waste it over tears...Enjoy every second of life. Its ok to cry for sometime, but get up on your feet, and move on... move positively...Stay happy :)

It's Rrrrrrraaaaaiiiiiinnnnning!!!!!!!! :) :) :)

I sit in my balcony and see the sunshine passes away;
I hear the rumbling sounds of the nature;
Yes, its the thunder, and the lightning comes,
I see the blue skies changing its colour and becoming dark;
Birds soaring high up in the sky, vanishing soon as if expecting something;
Yes, here comes the first few drops of rain...
I can feel the smell of the earth;
Here comes the rain with its full intensity;
Falling on the earth with all its vigour;
Bringing joy and pure happiness to the mother Earth;
I can see the trees and plants dancing to the tunes of the rain;
Yes, I can see pure joy everywhere!!

Another step in life - Play school

My daughter started her play-school...her first step to an independent life. As soon as we reached the school, she opened the gate and went inside, she din't look back. I went behind her with her school bag. We climbed the steps to her play school section. She was decent enough to remove her shoes outside the room and keep it along with the other kids shoes :) As we opened the door to the play school, she found two kids sitting in the opening for keeping bags; she too joined them and settled herself along with them. She didn't turn back to see if I am there...I was happy that she din't cry and be messy. I left her there and came down to complete the admission formalities and left from there leaving her to the care of her new teachers with a prayer to God to take care of her. I came home and described her entry to the playschool to my mother; she was telling that myself and my brother were also like that, both of us never used to turn back even to bid goodbye once we reached school. I thought I'll pen down my thoughts about her day in playschool and started writing this, and there came a call from "Popcorn", saying Malu was crying out there. I ran down to call my brother and go with him soon to see if she was fine there. We reached there in 10 mins, thank God we chose a playschool not much far from home. At the gate itself her loud cries were heard. As I entered I could see her with some friends and the teacher looking from the window upstairs. I waved at her and there her cries became even more louder :( I ran upstairs and there she was crying loudly "Ammaaaaaa...." and was urging the people inside to open the door. She came running to me with a huge sigh of relief. My poor little baby was so relieved to see me there. The teachers said it would take a few days for her to get adjusted to the new environment. Hope she gets used to the ways of life, this teaching, school, teachers everything...

Purity of Music

Oh God! This is truly heavenly, this beautiful music;

That takes us to a different world,

A world which is so far and distant,

A world which is so far undescribed…

A beautiful world it is;

Which is full of greenery;

Here I am rowing slowly in a small boat;

Which smoothly glides through the serene water;

Forming small ripples which goes in circles;

Each circle becoming bigger than the previous one;

I love to be in this world….

It truly is so heavenly!!

It takes me to long distances,

It is ultimate peace…

Music, me and nature…

All blending together with the same frequency…

How I love to remain in this state forever!!

Time is precious...make sure to make it worthwhile!!

Till this date, I have been motivated or rather influence by the old moral stories that I have learned during school times like "Slow and steady wins the race" and some poems like 'Leisure' which says "What is this life if, full of care, We have no time to stand and stare". After all, we all have only one life (keeping rebirth apart); what we see now is a mad rat-race where nobody has time for anything. I hope at the end of this life, I should feel like it was worthwhile....

Right now I'm getting that feeling every moment I spend with my baby...that's the reason why I'm staying near to the office, so that I get more time to spend with her. I hear many colleagues complaining that they are not getting time with their babies n hence gets frustrated. I am happy that I took 1 year break to spend entirely with her seeing her developments day by day, different stages from crawling to walking.... kids grow very fast...1.5 years passed just like that; I still remember the day when I held her for the first time in my hands and now she is walking on her own, climbing chairs...they develop really fast. Others might feel that I have wasted my 1 year of career; of course a break is a break; but what I gained in between-the time with my baby is boundlessly precious. I can always cherish that and I'm happy.

Friends...

Nothing is permanent in this world. What we have today, we may not have tomorrow. My two year old baby did something with my mobile and gosh! all my contacts, applications, messages everything got erased L

My best friend helped me to get back the contacts using Import/Export option from the sd card. Yippee…i got all my contacts back J

I started off with a negative thought, rather a true one; but since things turned out to be in my favour, I’m happy. I dint have any idea how to get the details back when my friend assured me that there was nothing to worry and that atleast the contacts could be retrieved back. That put me once again to the thought, what people would do if there were no friends? Life would definitely have been difficult and slow moving without them for sure. They are always there to pull you from deep troubles, to keep you away from sad thoughts, to render a helping hand, to make you smile, laugh whole heartedly, praise you, make fun of you, pull your legs, play pranks on you, do all stuff which you might not even think of….its a never ending list.

There was a time when once I had yearned to have good friends. I had friends at all phases of my life, but myself always being the silent, reserved and shy girl never had a chance to make the kind of friendship which usually people tell about….the ones with whom you can share anything and everything. I had always doubted how that is possible…how can one share everything in their life with someone, whether they will have time to listen to ones problems, whether they will be interested to hear that and if at all they hear, whether they truly care about it and think about it…all my notions have come to an end…I am so much convinced, such friendships do exist; friends who care for you, no matter what you are, whatever negatives you have, they see your positive side, and help you become a better person in all aspects.

Life is really beautiful when you have caring and supportive friends standing by your side, no matter whatever happens in your life; you can go through the ups and downs in the journey called life without much difficulty. I’m lucky and forever thankful to the almighty for giving me such good friends in my life. They are my pillars of strength, the people responsible for my inner peace.  

Little Mouse

In the midst of night,
When silence creeps in,
Here comes a little mouse,
Destined to be killed!


He looks so small.
Tiny as a mole,
Still crooked as a wolf,
Scaring poor mommy...

Hey little moussie,
Why aim for my house??
Though having many options...
I wanna an answer.

Many houses did I visit,
My next turn is this house,
And I'm going to be here,
Till I aim for the next one :)

Oh how rude an answer is that,
Oh little little moussie!
U better get away,
Or you'll be dead by our maids hands...

Little moussie runs away,
Scared of my words,
Or for the fear of his life,
He disappeared for my relief :)

Self Introspection

Today was a busy day at office. I always wished to work in a busy office where I can work continuously with interest so that the day goes well giving me a feeling that I have done something worthwhile. Though this was my wish, what was in store for me was just the contrary. Before joining this company,I worked in two companies. Both places I had more leisure or infact boring hours compared to productive working hours. I always used to feel sad and a bit dejected thinking that my days are being wasted thus increasing years of experience without much increase in knowledge. This being the background for my professional experience, I had ample time to make some good friends. These were times which I believe I was evolving as an individual...I started realising I have strong views for myself and there were people who would really listen to them and infact value them... These were the times when I started proving myself that I was capable of doing many other things other than professional work,writing being one among them. I believe I stopped writing after my school ...In schools,most of us would have been writers, good or bad, since we were used to compulsory essay and comprehensive writings. I am happy these days gave me an opportunity to start writing again,which again adds to the point that it improved my handwriting too which were long lost after college days. There have been times when I wondered the handwriting which once won prizes for "Best Handwriting" could become so vulgar like ghostly scribbling. I remember how embarrassed I had been when a close relative made a casual check on my notebook saying "I have heard your handwriting is really good" and ended up with a sorry look, decent enough not to make me feel hurt. But,I was hurt; No, I was sorry for myself for not maintaining my beautiful handwriting which once won a prize among one hundred and twenty other hand writings ..I got ample time to write mails to my school friends thus reliving past memories,get in touch with good old teachers thus building a new bond with them. The office where I work now offers me an atmosphere with good friends as well as ample work to keep me busy nowadays and I am really happy . When I think about my initial days in professional life, I know, it was a seasoning time for the ripe days ahead :)

What lies behind a dream?

Years ago, when I was a small kid studying in school, I had a very rare dream. I was standing alone in the premises of my ancestral home opposite which was a relative's home. As I was about to move to this relative's home, there came a snake; indeed a big one, blocking my way. The snake was very long and of pretty large size. I was standing right at the middle of the snake's length, very well aware that just by keeping my foot across the snake's body, I could get away from it and escape the snake's attack. I could sense that the snake was not in a mood to harm me and was lying there in somewhat a dormant manner. But, I was too scared just by the sight of it and wanted somebody to come and rescue me from there. But, as the usual scenario goes in dreams, I was unable to make any sound or call out for help.I don't know for how long I stood there with the snake in front of me; I couldn't move forward, I couldn't cry out for help; and yes, the snake also didn't move. It was a safe yet scary situation....Like any other dream, it was over after sometime.But like most of the dreams which gets forgotten seconds or minutes after waking up, this was not forgotten. Many a time during my lifetime till now I have thought about this peculiar dream - why did I have such a dream, does it have any significance in my life, why was it never forgotten etc.


Recently I visited Mannarassala temple in Kerala. It was the first time that I visited this temple and the feeling was "why it took me so long to visit this temple of snake Gods".It was an awesome feeling experienced while walking within the temple. It is a family temple and the family members have their "illams"/homes situated around the premises of the "sarpakavukal" coarsely occupied by poisonous snakes. It is believed that these snakes will not harm the people staying here. Infact, there is no precedence of them harming them. Now, isn't that amazing?? Man living in perfect harmony with snakes!!


The story of Mannarassala temple goes like this...It was the time when Lord Parasurama was taking vengeance on the Kshatriyas by killing them far and wide whether guilty or not to avenge for the  death of his parents. In order to get over this sin of killing the Kshatriyas, Lord Parasurama gifts the Brahmanas with a land which is reclaimed from the sea by throwing his sacred axe; the land known as God's own country, Kerala. But this land was inhabitable and uncultivable due to its high salt content. Parasumara was determined to make this land habitable at any cost. He went on a severe penance to please Lord Nagaraja,the King of snakes. Needless to say, Nagaraja was pleased with Parasurama and granted his request. Ferocious serpents arrived at the spot and spread their poison all over. This poison percolated the land wich made it desalinated and habitable with envious greenery. Parasurama then requested Nagaraja to bless the land forever with his eternal presence, which was also accepted by him.


At an auspicious moment, Parasurama installed Nagaraja who is Brahma,Vishnu and Siva in one in a place filled with Mandara trees; the place now known as Mannarasala. The installed deity here represents Anantha (Vishnuswaroopa)and Vasuki (Siva in spirit). Other deites of Sarpayakshi, Nagayakshi and Nagachamundi other Naga deities and their associates can also be found here. There is one Appuppankavu in the temple where it is believed that five hooded Nagaraja still stays doing tapas for the prosperity of his dependants.


Well, I have heard from my mother that my ancestors were also snake worshippers. By going through the story of Mannarassala and how the snake Gods still look after his dependants, I am inclined to think that the snake in my dream must be the snake God who is still around bringing prosperity and well being of his dependants. That could be the reason why he remained so calm without causing any harm....

'Parting' hurts!!

Aji has gone back to India; which means one place less for us to go during our weekends. Is that all?? No...it's more than that. It was not just a hang out place for us; it was a place where we could just rush in any time without thinking much. When you live in a foreign land, away from parents and relatives, such people and places are something that gives a sense of security, a feeling that you are not alone here.

A train of thoughts comes to my mind when I think of her. We started our acquaintance during our B-Tech days. Aji was famous in college for her PJ's then :).Those days we were in different classes and had our casuals talks during our bus journeys etc. We came to know more about each other after B-Tech when we both joined a construction firm in Trivandrum. It was a site office and we were the only girls there, needless to say that was a bonding period for us.

Later, whatever happened in our lives were such that we were destined to be together. Both of us got admission for the same course and in the same college for M-Tech. We stayed in the same hostel for one year, but in different rooms. This was the time when we became more close to each other. We ran the mess committee, our small fights during that, did combined studies, shared the deepest secrets in our lives..... Also for the next one year project, both of us were lucky enough to get guides in VSSC, Trivandrum. During this time, we also joined for music classes in the same place - Aji for guitar and me for keyboard. Can't forget the small small funny incidents during our car journeys these times.

Our course finished and we passed out with flying colours. Both of us applied for the same job abroad. Aji had always been fascinated about Dubai since she spent her childhood here, and also her father and uncle were working here, and she really wished for this job. Whereas, I din't have anybody here and so was not much fascinated in coming to Dubai. Parallely, we were also trying for other jobs in India. Both of us got offers from firms in India. I decided to take up the job while Aji got married to Sinu who was working in a reputed company in Dubai. I felt so happy for her that God had planned in such a manner that Aji, who herself is a great believer of God, could get to the place where she wished to be.

Meanwhile, M-Tech classmate and would-be, Naveen (now my husband) got a job offer in UAE and flew to the desertland. Can't forget the fact that it was Aji and Sinu who received him well and called me 2-3 times to India to assure me that he had safely reached there. Also can't forget that it was Aji's mobile sim that Naveen used till he got a new one.

Aji and Sinu made it a point to gift me a beautiful present a few days before marriage since they were flying back to Dubai by that time. I flew to Dubai with my husband after marriage and should say, our friendship with Aji and Sinu strengthened once again after that. We used to discuss all sorts of things, go for movies, outings,get-togethers and what not.... At this point, I must say that these people could be so much relied upon that they were always ready for outings and movies irrespective of day and night; really treasure those moments.

Time passed by, dear God blessed the couple with a cute baby. They named him 'Chris'...We had the opportunity of seeing him even before Sinu saw him, since we were on our vacation in Kerala then. And Sinu got his leaves ready days after the baby was born. They came back to Dubai with baby Chris. Recession time was here and Aji lost her job in UAE. But she was happy looking after Chris and decided to search for jobs after some time. Sinu decided to go for higher studies since this is the best time for it.

Leaving back a lot of memories, its time for us to part. Sure,we are also getting back to our homeland in not much time and we still can have our get-togethers all over again. But, a bit depressed to accept the fact that Aji,Sinu and Chris, who were more than friends to us has left Dubai....

Picture Courtesy : http://www.photoree.com/search?q=time%20to%20depart&l=-

Love-A sweet emotion or not??

"Love is the sweetest emotion"

Have heard this quite often here and there. Though, can't agree with it fully; it is not so atleast for all. It can be the most painful feeling too. And this pain can create magic to the hurt one's life too!! Really!!

"Within you I lose myself
Without you I find myself
Wanting to be lost again."

Author Unknown
Reference : http://www.wedding-references.com/romantic_love_poems.htm

Its when you give the highest priority to what you call ‘love’ that problems arise in life. You find no time for anyone else, for any other activities; and finally, it takes control over your entire life. It may appear as though each and every next thing you do in life can’t go without causing an impact in your love life. The result of it being misunderstandings, possessiveness and what not!!

Now, let’s think of it the other way….Just consider it as a part of life just like any other thing happening in your life. All that were there in your life is still there. It’s only that a special person whom you want to be your person in life forever enters into the scene. You tend to complement each other in your day to day lives, share your special moments with each other, enjoy your own life with sufficient space allotted to each and everyone who were always there around you….

Love can still be a sweet emotion :) …